i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
