If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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