I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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