its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
