Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
