she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
