omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
