I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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