Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
