she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
