so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My life is pants optional.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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