and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
