i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
