Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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