Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
