shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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