Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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