All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
