u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
