So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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