I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
