ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My vagina just clenched in fear
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
