I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
