I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
