I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So many bounce houses so little time
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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