I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
