Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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