Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
