saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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