Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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