i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
