We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
