I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Hippo gnu deer
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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