happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
