you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I queefed so loud it echoed.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
