Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
