I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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