Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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