You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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