The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
