Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
