i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
