Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
