my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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