Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
