i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
