also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
