How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
