Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
