so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Four minutes until I can fart!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
