the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
